Margiana's Tattoo column by Midnight Butterfly
Oscar Must Die! - Oscar3
Written by Midnight Butterfly   
Friday, 27 February 2009 19:38
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I vilsk krahsh the vorld with my Oscar!

The other thing that Oscar should do – and this is a big one – is expand its horizons of what art is. You have to include horror movies when you’re thinking about Best Pictures. They’re not a narrower audience than say, a Merchant/Ivory film or yet another Jane Austen yawn-fest. I would think if anything, horror touches more people and excites more people than one more movie about some Brit being coaxed out of their uptight shell. Being really scared is one of the most memorable things that can happen to an audience member. You’re going to tell me Breaking Away or Kramer vs. Kramer had a greater impact than Alien? What about 28 Days Later, Psycho, Frankenstein? Am I really going out on a limb here? Is this actually a radical idea? I don’t think David Cronenberg – David Cronenberg mind you – has ever been nominated for Best Director. Not just horror. The Matrix didn’t get nominated for an Academy award but Cider House Rules does? How about Spider-Man 2, Blade Runner or The Thing(from Another World)? C’mon. Is it in the damn bylines somewhere? A suitable Best Picture can’t be fun? Action movies, horror movies, science fiction and fantasy movies (for the most part, thank you Lord of the Rings) and animated pictures are automatically out. Look at that list. In a given year what percentage of movies are excluded from jump? THAT’S RIDICULOUS.

 

And how can the Academy Awards justify at all its routine and whorish rejection of independent movies? Or foreign films? For every one Slumdog Millionaire there are ten The Lives of Others, Pan’s Labyrinth or Paradise Nows. The Best Foreign Language Film is a joke because it inherently designates those nominated films as “less than”. What's really funny is that American arrogance is so pervasive other countries buy into it, too. Does that make sense, from an art standpoint, to anyone? I mean, part of the critic’s job and certainly part of an awards job is to promote and nurture the art form. You’re going to kill it if you just stick to American big budget bullshit as your sole idea of where quality can be found. Or make yourself obsolete, which some would argue the Academy Awards already have. I named a bunch of studio pictures as movies that got slighted because those are the ones that came to my mind readily. But when I look back and think of some of the art that has been ignored because it didn’t speak the right language or wasn’t the right genre, or didn’t have a large enough budget, didn’t make enough money or was too daring and exciting, it’s nauseating. Daughters of the Dust, nothing, Buffalo 66, Stranger Than Paradise, Mean Streets – argh, help me over here! Or I like when they throw the latest indie enfant terrible the Best Original Screenplay nomination bone – just to shut it up, a la Do the Right Thing or Sex, Lies and Videotape in 1989(can you believe the award went to The Dead Poets Society that year?). And everybody knows it. Everybody knows that the majority of movies are excluded from even being considered. Everybody knows that studios “campaign” for certain movies and certain actors. We all know that these goddamn awards don’t actually give a shit about art!

 

So of course, the real adjustment that has to be made is that I need to stop caring. They’re dumb, they don’t mean anything. I know this. I know this. But every year, even if I don’t watch the damn show (which I did this year thank god or I would have missed that Beyonce number – yow!) I’m aware of what happened and who won and it matters to me. Every year I have people who I want to win. This year I was happy Kate Winslet won. I was happy when Forrest Whitaker won. Every year I get miffed because someone I felt was deserving got slighted. What the fuck is wrong with me? Get over it, dipshit. And of course, why do we have awards shows anyway? Most of this crap is certainly not reserved for the Academy Awards. You’d be hard pressed to find any awards that don’t have some measure of idiocy. They’re awards after all. Awards for art are a dicey notion at best. I mean, it’s art, it’s taste, opinion, timing. How can you say one is “better” than the other half the time? Isn’t it funny that we probably have awards shows because art is not sports? In sports there is a way to know who is “the best”. In art, apparently, you need a group of arrogant, narrow-minded assholes to get together and decide that they will tell you. Why do we have to have a winner? Why do we have to decide who is the best? Why can’t we just dig whatever we dig? Why can’t we just celebrate art? All art?

Up is down, black is white, good is bad...

That 1986 Best Actor race was the first time I swore I’d never pay attention to the goddamn Oscars again. Twenty-three years later, I’m still trying. Since that’s not working, there’s only one solution. I’ve decided to start handing out my own film awards. The Bermeas. I’d hand my shit out with the utmost integrity and with a keen and unbiased eye towards quality, ingenuity and artistic daring. I’d give out more than one award if I thought it necessary. I’d give retro awards. Greta Garbo would win for Anna Christie. Bette Davis would win for All About Eve. Brando would win for A Streetcar Named Desire. Cicely Tyson would win for Sounder. Shawshank Redemption would win over Forrest Gump for pete's sake. People of color in general would be recognized earlier and more often for the work they've done. Alien would be recognized as the Best Picture of 1979. Willis O'brien, Rick Baker and Dick Smith would all have very prominent, very prestigious awards. Yes, I would right all the wrongs ever perpetuated by the Academy Awards. The Bermeas. Ahhhh...I think it has a nice ring to it.

 

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Angela Mac   |67.142.161.xxx |2009-02-27 21:37:02
"... little gold asshole.."
haha Marvelous!

You know, your prose is
endlessly enjoyable, but when something sets your pinata ablaze, you reach a
whole other high.

And bonus Groovy Points for shaking a fist at the powers
who denied Brad Dourif.
Midnight Butterfly  - Acceptance   |76.115.19.xxx |2009-02-28 15:57:11
"...first of all I liked to thank God, without whom nothing is possible. My
mother and father who brought me into this world. Thank you for standing by me
all these years. To my sister Gladys and her parakeet, Francois, who used to
mock my acceptance speech. How you like me now, motherfucker?" And to my
agent, Count Dracula. Now I'll actually have some blood to give you you royal
fuck. And to my manager, Dolamiite. After this I'm cutting back on the
percentages, asshole, I've gone as far as you can take me asshole. It's time for
you to go find another meal ticket. Let it be known. To my handlers, Gladys and
Tiffany. Sign my name across your heart, ladies, you know what time it is. And
to Geraldine, my chauffeur..."
LisaTheBrit  - thank god I don't watch award shows.   |24.79.9.xxx |2009-03-05 08:15:00
Although I love film I have stood firm in my stance of not watching any award
show, ever since I saw Mick Hucknall (Simply Red) get booed of stage at the MOBO
awards because of the colour of his skin, I have come to the conclusion that
they are just BS popularity contests, and I don't need to know that everyone
else thinks the same movies are as great as I do.

Fuck em I say, leave the
awards for the actors who feel that their lives wont be complete without them,
and the sheeple who need to be told what to watch.

nice column Bobby
Midnight Butterfly  - Thanks, Lisa.   |76.115.19.xxx |2009-03-10 19:33:36
I wish I was as comfortable as you are with that choice. That I'm not fills me
with dread. When I hear that an artist who I appreciate a lot, like Kate
Winslet, is constantly whining about not whining (this was before the Oscars) it
blows my mind on one hand but on the other hand I get it. And you know, imagine
if you had a friend who all of a sudden was up for a best actress Oscar.
Wouldn't some tiny part of you wish for them to get it? Is that different? I
don't know. People have a need for approval from the world around them that most
of the time simply seems to muddy the waters of what's really important.
Regardless, we fall for it anyway. Thanks for checking in, Lisa.

3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 Compojoom.com / Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."

Last Updated ( Friday, 06 March 2009 15:42 )
 

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