Anti Anti-Twilight Rant
Written by Paul Gagne   
Wednesday, 25 November 2009 15:09

 Alright. Hold on. Let me see if I have this straight. This lady wrote a book that lots of girls seem to love. Even lots of older girls seem to love it. It made a bunch of money. Enough money to merit several sequels, and now some movies. The ladies seem to love the movies just as much as the books. This is apparently totally unacceptable to lots of people with internet connections. They need to rant and rave about the fact that these other people like something that they themselves do not. Is that about right? I am confounded at the audacity of these people. I mean, the nerve to not get the internet's permission before deciding on whether or not you like a book. And then the sheer, unadulterated, unmitigated gall to be vocal about it. Bananas. Can we get some hammers and some nails over here, please? I got some crosses to build. I am of course talking about Twilight. And for once, this is a rant not directed at Team Edward or Team Jacob. This is a rant directed at Team Shut Up and Mind Your Own Damned Business.

 

  First and foremost, let's get some basic points ticked off, so maybe we can cut down on the amount of stupid emails I will have to delete later.
 
1. I have never read a Twilight book or seen a Twilight movie, and I never will. You see, I recognize that the content is not something that appeals to me, and I simply sidestep the issue. The Twilight phenomenon is over there, and I am over here. Problem solved. In that way, I never get my panties twisted about what is happening in the sordid life of Bella. I mention this because I don't want to deal with anyone explaining to me why the Twilight books suck. Or why the movies suck. I. Don't. Care. Your extra-special wisdom, your searing insight as to why I should have a low opinion of Twilight is going to fall on concrete-filled ears. Go tell it to your pet ferret.

2. I am not ranting at the people who do not like Twilight. If you read the book or books, and hated it/them...then off to the internet with you. Blog up a hate storm. If you watched the movies and hated them, ditto. I write negative reviews of movies. If this website was filled with only stuff I liked, well, that would be boring and not well-balanced. Sometimes a movie sucks, and it needs to be called out. The same with books. No problem there. This is a rant about the people who rant against others that DO like the Twilight media. Like they somehow have less of a right to an opinion than you do.
 
Now on to the meat of the matter:
 
                                                                   SHUT UP.
 

 


Stephen King said he thinks Stephanie Meyers is a terrible writer. Stephanie Meyers writes about a centuries-old sparkly vampire chasing after a high school student, and his werewolf rival. These two things are enough to make me never want to be involved with anything Twilight. So guess what? I don't get involved. I don't need to come along and poop on everyone else's parade. At least these people are enjoying a book and a movie, and not spending their time caring about what dress some celebrity is wearing or who some Hollywood Hunk is porking this week. They're involved in art in some way. And yes, Twilight is art. It might be a velvet Elvis painting to you, or dogs playing poker, but it is still art. As the Dead Milkmen said: "I must learn to distinguish the others from myself / They are separate people, with different personalities / They might not like the things I like / They might not eat the same food / Or they might not want to go to the places where I want to go"
 
Also bear in mind that there is a bevy of young females who may never have thought to read a book before. But then they twigged that Twilight was something that might speak to them, and lo and behold, it did. Big time. And so they went on to devour the other books in the series. And it has been my experience that a person in possession of books naturally wants to be in possession of even more books. Whatever gets kids reading is okalee-dokelee diddly-dee with me.
 
I also want to point out that the genesis of this rant is not one website or person in particular. Just as I know intelligent, sensitive people who are fully invested in Twilight, I too know intelligent, sensitive people who are not. Some of these people have expressed their displeasure with seeing copious Twilight mentions. To the people who have done so respectfully, this is not about you. To the ones who have been douchebags about it...well, here you go. I'll let you decide which one you are.
 
A good case in point would be a thread I was involved in over at the NaNoWriMo forums. Some girl was looking for people to give her their Twilight books so she could destroy them for a college class project. In the words of Kyle's mom: "Wha-wha-wha-what?!" A person who is involved with a cooperative, supportive effort to create her own art, along with 90,000 or so others trying to do the same, seeks to celebrate such by DESTROYING ANOTHER PERSON'S ART. Does this make sense? Is that really the way you choose to support literature? Wouldn't your time be better spent putting something positive into the world? Is there really a finite space for ideas?
 
But her and others choose to lol their way through this issue. It is acceptable because it is Twilight. Twilight is the worst thing to ever happen to the world. The worst books ever written by the worst author who ever lived, and the worst movies ever made in the history of cinema. Sound like a reasonable position to take to you?
 
In closing, allow me to say that I would much rather hang out with Team Edward or Team Jacob than Team Asshole.  
 
                                                                     SHUT UP.
 

All hate mail should be directed at: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
 

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Sam  - No hate mail from me...   |98.207.27.xxx |2009-11-25 08:00:46
I agree with you wholeheartedly. *applauds*

The vampire genre has never
really been my thing, so I choose to not read the books or see the films,
however... I HAVE witnessed many, non-readers, devouring these books. Let me say
that again... READING! BOOKS!

I too have concrete filled ears when it comes
to shitting on someone else's art and success. I will not participate in the
ridiculousness of the hate that is being vomited, by many, about the author, her
work, her phenomenal success, or any perceived hidden agendas related to
Twilight.
bethany   |70.241.89.xxx |2009-11-25 09:36:41
My only problems w/ Twilight revolve around the author and the fact that these
books are Mormon allegories, and they've clearly never seen proper editing for
important things like grammar. You may ask why it's important to take note of
that, especially when non-readers are reading them, but the simply truth is,
proper English seems to be dying. To have a group of novels this popular and
yet lacking, embarrassingly so, in proper diction, is a sad state of affairs,
especially considering their audience - individuals who are not exposed to
proper diction and language enough.

That said, my issues have always
centered around those two critiques. I have really good friends who are
Twilight fans.. many of them I tease constantly. RPattz is not my definition of
the great "ideal man", but he and those in the film seem to share the
same reverence amongst tweens and some teens that the New Kids On The Block had
in my day.

The problem is, there is a sensitivity when you critique the
books, because you've actually taken the time to read them and overly sensitive
fans accuse you of being a hater just because you don't think the books are the
end all be all. I've seen that happen, too. I've been accused of just not
getting it, in hurtful tones, too.

As for destroying the books... I
couldn't see asking someone to do that. It's ridiculous and, it seems, if
you're into hating something THAT much, perhaps you should remove Twilight from
the equation and ask yourself exactly what is the big deal?
Marion  - A fan of zombies everywhere.   |99.61.105.xxx |2009-11-25 10:13:20
Excellent rant, if I do say so myself. So much so that nothing need be added,
but I wanted to comment anyway to say well done. Your point of view is
expressed too infrequently.

The very notion of expressing a desire to destroy
books in any way disturbs me to my core, and not only because I'm a bibliophile,
but because every book is art, as you said, and also, freedom of speech (or
other forms of expression) is so rare in the world, and it needs to constantly
be protected on a person-to-person basis.

Whoever started that topic (and I'm
not going to ask) ought to consider how they might feel if they were fortunate
enough to get a series of books published and someone talked about burning them.
Chrissa   |141.213.163.xxx |2009-11-25 10:28:37
How do I subscribe to your blog? You're hilarious
Paul Gagne   |SAdministrator |2009-11-25 12:04:10
Sam: Thanks. And Meyers is the author: whatever agenda she has is her own. No
one has to read, and no one has to agree.

Bethany: you have read the books
and formed an intelligent opinion on them. Anyone who gets butt-hurt that it is
not a positive one gets the finger: the middle. As to grammar, have you ever
read Cormac McCarthy? His books are brilliant, but each contain maybe six commas
and even fewer apostrophes. I agree with what you are saying, proper grammar is
important, but it does not automatically make a book irrelevant. As to Twilight
being a Mormom allegory...so what? If that is what Meyers wants to do, that is
her prerogative. Is CS Lewis a less valid author because The Chronicles of
Narnia is a Christian allegory?

Marion: Thanks! Your opinion means a lot to
me. Although I might have a different opinion if Meyers played fast and loose
with zombies

Chrissa: So glad you enjoyed it! This isn't technically a
blog, so there is no subscribe feature. But I am theplothole on Twitter, and I
post links to new content at my Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/ZombieBoy

Feel free to add either (or both!).
Sam   |98.207.27.xxx |2009-11-25 20:52:38
Yep... I know of whom the author is. I'd probably have to be living under a rock
not to. In fact, I watched an in depth interview with her a few days before the
movie was released and learned that she was a struggling mom, living meagerly,
who happened to have a dream about shimmering vampires.

She stated she had
never written a thing in her life and she wrote down what she remembered of her
dream, which she said actually turned out to be the ending section of her first
book. Then she went back and built the story to make sense of the end that, in
her dream, had left such an impression in her.

I found her story behind her
work quite interesting. Maybe a better term would be "inspiring." Yet, I
am still not interested in reading the books. Vampires just aren't my thing.
Shimmering or not. But, if her story behind her stories are true? How can I not
be inspired by that?

As for the religious agenda accusations I have heard? I
have not read the stories, (so who am I to judge?), I have seen accusations only
and no tangible proof and frankly I don't care. Many had the same religious
knicker twist about Harry Potter as well. Meh... *shrugs all that shit off*
George   |24.0.20.xxx |2010-02-15 22:42:43
I saw this the other night. It was AWFUL. Though terribly hilarious. There were
parts I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard. However, if I was a 12 year
old girl, I'd have loved this.

See this movie. You won't believe your eyes.
There's so much awful film making, acting and hilarious special effects, it's
almost worth the 2 hours.

There's a short shot of Bella being piggybacked up
a tree that's incredibly funny. This ain't Spielberg.

Twilight is the first
Twenty First Century Disco.
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