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If you were shooting a horror film based in the Australian Outback, would you seize the desolate landscape and escapeless atmosphere of the location to charge a full blown terror? Or would you snag a generous helping of the above and stir in some rollicking Aussie humor? Perhaps you'd be especially cavalier, thumb the perimeters of established horror genres and aim for something sleek, witty and mod -- like a Smokin' Aces with Ghouls in the Outback.
Lots of angles to choose from.
Unfortunately, The Outback (Prey) couldn't pick one, either.
| Compelling source material seems to have a polarizing effect on filmmakers. To wit: either justice is done, or they fuck it up, royal. The marketers behind The Outback seem to be shirt-tailing that sure-fire selling point of horror gone by... Based on a True Story. In this case, it's a slightly diluted but perking, "Inspired by True Events".
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Here's what the box and marketing lead with: "... (The Outback) is inspired by the disappearance in the late 80's of a North American couple who disappeared in the West Australian desert on a 4WD holiday. They were never seen alive again. Their abandoned vehicles and totally unused supplies were found in sand dunes near an Aboriginal sacred site -- less than an hour away from the closest town. Two years later, the two men were both found dead of natural causes, on the same day, 1000 miles apart back in North America.
Re-reading it now, there was some foreshadowing I missed. For one, rather than just telling the story, subordinate clauses are given their own distinction in short sentences. Not, "... never to be seen alive again" -- rather, "They were never seen alive again." How manufactured. And really, "totally unused supplies"? Not "untouched"? Who uses "totally" as an adjective and expects to be taken seriously?
But I didn't notice all that before watching. As a matter of fact, I didn't even read the press release before watching. Good thing, as that preamble would've tweaked my rose-colored lenses a few shades darker.
With the exceptions of taking place in the West Australian desert, there being a previous incident and people meeting their untimely ends, the events of The Outback have little to do with the story from whence it came. Really, Wolf Creek could have boasted as much. The bit that interests most -- the whole, bodies found, years later, on the same day, on a different continent, 1000 miles apart -- is never addressed. The film begins with an athletic, bloody young man dragging a corpse. The dragging crescendos in an artistic, nearly Murphy oil painted photography technique of a creepy man on a hill against a smoky moon backdrop. A viewer might be moved to think he's in store for an eerily stirring horror event.
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Opening credits arrive with a grilling of splattered text amid a testosterone crush of heavy metal. Eerily stirring, heavy, brutal -- this film is gonna freak you out! (And yes, I said that with my tongue wagging, and devil signs on both hands.)
Then we meet the players. A little bit of intro, slapped with a quirky freeze and a printed name, for each. Heavy, brutal, eerily stirring... and fun?
The list grows as the film continues.
Reels turn, and the underlying problem creams at the surface. So often, we see horror crippled by the director's brother who can't act worth a damn but would generally follow directions and appear for free or the chick who's willing to bear her ta-tas, but who also cannot act worth a damn. The Outback bears a unique obstacle: Potential abounds throughout. Too much potential, in fact. Natural springs of talent appear at every turn -- each vies for the spotlight, and each, inadvertently, muddles the others. Each actor was more than capable of carrying the film, creating a jarring, kaleidoscope effect. Yet, this turnabout of talent is nothing short of surprising -- in every instance.
Here are some examples:
-- Lead Actress: Natalie Bassingthwaighte.
For those who aren't aware, So You Think You Can Dance is, in spite of its title, a phenomenal show. The talent this program brings to television is staggering. I haven't seen the Australian version, but am even more curious to correct this oversight, as Ms. Bassingthwaighte is an Aussie SYTYCD alum. A chick from a dancing show, though? I'm a horror monger AND a SYTYCD fan, yet, even *I* was hesitant on this casting. So, color me impressed. Who would've guessed she speaks and strums you like Olivia Newton-John, with chops to spare? 
| -- Lead Actor: Jesse Johnson
Son of Don Johnson.
A shorter version of Luke Perry (really. It's uncanny).
... but is totally (to-tally) endearing onscreen.
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The spotlight should have been trained on those two.
Instead, four other charismatic actors were tossed in, blurring the focus. I realize this sounds backwards, but consider ensemble casts for a moment. Generally, one character is localized upon, then the script pans to the next. This is a people-stuck-in-the-wilderness-and-about-to-meet-their-doom, though. They're all together, all the time. The end result is six actors bringing six very different feels to the table. Psychological terror (Bassingthwaighte), anti-hero horror (Johnson), gritty horror/comedy romp (Christian Clarke), horror that ends with the good girl painting herself in her captors blood (Natalie Walker), big-breasted chicks tripping while running from the axe murderer, as the audience howls in approval (Kristin Sargent), and, finally, possibly a Saturday the 14th vibe (Ben Kermode).... is all thrown in.
For six different reasons, a surfing weekend group is formed. Painstaking efforts are made to keep the script cohesive. When a stranger's map to a nearby swimming hole proves to be a more time consuming route than imagined, dialogue supports the group's decision to sally forth -- "well, this route is running parallel to the highway, so we're not losing any time." Smart. Good.
So, why the one star on IMDB?
Well, those painstaking efforts don't last long enough. The group ends up exactly nowhere. Compasses go awry. Trails turn back in upon themselves. People begin to die. People begin to get stupid, and, gradually, the scripting, the directing and even the editing begin to unravel. Simple math: if there are three vehicles to begin, yet, two people die and the remaining are traveling in pairs... why am I seeing the same stock footage of three vehicles caravanning around the desert?
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Perhaps it was the SHEER VOLUME of driving footage The Outback felt needed to be wedged in that fouled up the editors. Easily, twenty minutes of film is driving scenery. But why?
The women make gruesomely sound decisions... only to end up taking a shower while also taking a hair-brained leap of logic.
The ending is an outright affront to such a talented cast.
So. After viewing The Outback, I have some words of wisdom to offer horror filmmakers of the future:
1) You're right -- snakes *do* freak some people out. Slithering, scaly, swift-moving snakes can be an unsettling proposition. However, red-eyed, not-so-scaly, impossibly agile, poorly done, cgi snakes don't get it done.
2) Lesbians are hot, huh? But you know what's cheaper -- and more effective -- than misappropriating your filmmaking time as an opportunity to see two girls getting it on? Utilizing the World Wide Web to view any number of women getting it on -- for free! No, seriously, it's out there! Here's a link: http://tinyurl.com/FreeLesbianPornonGoogle
Now, keep the babes out of one another's mouth in your film, and write an ending that doesn't waste my freaking time.
| The Outback doesn't deserve a rating of one. It deserves a kick in the gnads for not narrowing its scope, not making better use of its cast and for totally losing its grip on what began as a tight script (but was only a hazy memory by the end of the second act).
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