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Ric and Mark are two average porn store clerks, just trying to make their way in this crazy thing that we call life. They are beholden to the same virtues that any red-blooded American male should be: beer, bodily functions, and bare breasts. Unfortunately for them, the presence of the Cockface Killer hampers them from getting laid very much, since like Jason on steroids the dildo-visaged freak appears whenever kids are making the beast with two backs and slays them with his giant brown rubber dick. Adding to that already formidable hurdle is CLAM (Clitoral Legion Against Man), a group of pissed off muff with erotic shit (you’ve gotta believe me) who are hell-bent on dominating every man in sight. And if all that isn’t bad enough, there is Detective Depschett, who is convinced that the rampant killings are actually being perpetrated by the 13 Filthy Fetishes Killer, a being who exists solely in Depschett’s tiny mind.
| That all probably sounds confusing, but don’t worry. All you need to know is that Goregasm lives up to its tagline of being a horror sex comedy for the modern extremist. Women get naked every three minutes or so, anything with an ass gets butt-raped by the CLAM (and that is the nicest thing they’ll do to you) and many people are killed with gory enthusiasm. There are asphyxiations, vivisections, necrophilia, all manner of holes being blown through all manner of parts of all manner of people, several vagina stabbings (*shudder*) and, of course, masturbating. Some men masturbate the regular way, one industrious lass uses her cordless phone, and Depschett jerks off with someone else’s shit. Yes, you read that correctly. Also, along with some other scenes of sex that seem a whole lot more than merely simulated, there is an extended scene of a girl having at herself with her vibrator, and there ain’t a damn thing fake about that. | 
Beware the Cockface Killer! |
I came across this film during my ultimately fruitless search for Hugh Gallagher’s similarly-titled 1994 film Gorgasm, and instantly knew that I must have it. It is an excellently bizarre and tasteless piece of shit, and I say that with love and experience. You see, these kinds of films speak to me profoundly. Whether it is Lloyd Kaufman’s Terror Firmer, Caleb Emerson’s Die You Zombie Bastards, or even John Johnson’s Skeleton Key films, I want my humor in the toilet and my women punk rock. Goregasm fits the bill perfectly. Inside of this excrement enchilada lurks a celebration of the punk scene in Louisiana, and it makes me ever so jealous. The fact that such a large group of horror- and metal-loving people got together with the sole purposes of being silly and sexy and disgusting, and had such fun with it. In my neck of the woods, the people in the same “scene” would find it difficult to take their heads out of each other’s asses long enough to even watch this movie, let alone make one as glorious. 
Beware the CLAM! | So, how do you know if Goregasm is right for you? Good question. Here is a handy checklist: 1) Did you have posters of Sybil Danning and Linnea Quigley on your bedroom wall while growing up? 2) Are they still there? 3) Did you have the lyrics to Megadeth’s Good Mourning/Black Friday written all over your physics book in high school? 4) Does seeing a girl wearing a Motorhead t-shirt short-circuit your brain? 5) When you listen to Fuckin’ 4 Bux by The Accused, do you think, “Damn, why didn’t I write that song?!” 6) When you describe some of your favorite films to people, do they recoil in horror, and slowly back away from you while genuflecting the sign of the cross? If you answered yes to any of these questions, well, you’re probably a fucking idiot for answering questions written by a fucking idiot. Stop wasting time reading this and go watch Goregasm. Look, you’re going to listen to punk rock anyway, right? You’re going to watch horror films anyway, right? You’re going to dig on some porn anyway, right? Well, why not do all of those things at the same time? See? Goregasm is a multi-tasker and a problem-solver. |
On a final note, I guess I would be remiss in not mentioning that if you are one of those soulless wanks who can’t look past non-Hollywood production values and vaguely passable acting to see the beauty and freedom of an indie, from the heart (and occasionally from the bowels) movie, then Goregasm is not for you. And neither am I. But if you have made it this far, you are probably one of our people, and I would strongly suggest you click on the following link and check out what Terror Optics has to offer you. Tell them Zombie Boy sent you. Click here for all manner of Gorgegasm goodness!
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