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We here at The Plot Hole pride ourselves on having our collective fingers on the pulse of pop culture. It has been coming down the tracks to me lately, "Paul, how come there aren’t any low-budget T&A Easter horror films?” Well, I heard your cries, and I dug a bit and came up with Kottentail, a wonderful little Brain Damage gem that should suit your needs just fine. Imagine a mélange of Splatter Farm, Night of the Lepus, and Bunnicula, throw in some titties, and you’re there.
Taking a cue from 28 Days Later, Kottentail begins with a couple of well meaning activists breaking into the Overlook animal testing facility and freeing the animals within. Except the activists are really a whore and a cub reporter, and the only animal in the whole place is one little brown bunny. Needless to say, the bunny has been shot up with who knows what kind of mad scientist formulas, and proceeds to hop on over to the farm of local German immigrant Hans Kottentail.
| Hans, as it turns out, is the quintessential sad sack. Not only is he luckless in love, but he even gets bested by our friend the bunny. After taking a serious bite to the hand, Hans sprouts ears and buck teeth, and after getting caught, um, straightening his ears outside a buxom lady’s window, he goes through the rest of his transformation into a six foot tall killer rabbit monster. He goes on a bit of a murder spree, including the boyfriend of his crush, sweet sorority babe Marissa. |
Sorta cute bunny.
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After escaping the clutches of Kottentail, Marissa gets laughed at by the police…except for glorified meter maid Yvonne, who has been working on the mysterious rabbit fur covered deaths happening in town with the aforementioned whore and reporter, Lizzie and Robin, respectively. Together they join forces with Dr. Scarlet Salenger, who actually worked with the original bunny at Overlook, and all five women, armed with giant human hormone laden carrots, dress in skimpy bunny outfits and set out to defeat the giant mutant bunny.
I know what you’re thinking, but no: this is not a documentary.
It is very easy to write off fucking stupid movies like Kottentail. I personally think it takes a stronger mind to actually sit through them, and give them an honest look. If you were to do that here, you might be surprised at how much enjoyment you will get out of this pile of pellets. Right off the bat, it is impossible to deny that the movie isn’t in on the joke. Rather than waste time and money trying to get an actual rabbit to perform on command, they simply place a stuffed bunny in a cage, and attach a piece of string to it to make it move. Now, here is where the first flash of brilliance occurs: they use white string, which is clearly visible (duh). Fishing line would have been nearly invisible, but once again, writer/director Tony Urban decides to just go ahead and stick it in your face.
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Not very cute bunny.
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Later on, when Hans first begins mutating, the makeup department doesn’t even bother to blend in the Spock ears he is sporting to his natural ears. Nope, they just stick it in your face yet again. And when he sprouts claws, it is merely a case of quick cutting to the actor wearing a pair of mittens with Lee Press On Nails attached to them. It is so ludicrous and in your face that it is impossible not to nod your head in appreciation. This movie makes up in balls for what it lacks in cash. |
(That being said, the end stage Kottentail monster is surprisingly effective – must have been an accident.)
The gore is also pretty passable. I think it may have to do with your attention being riveted by this audacious and ridiculous monster bunny. You don’t notice he’s ripped an eyeball out til he’s chewing on it, so the fakery of the effect is lost on you, and all you notice is ew, he’s chewing on an eyeball. There is also one disturbing insert shot of a girl being disemboweled. Again, the in your face low budget technique works far better than trying to pretend they had a budget. Or were serious.
| There is also a subtle method to Urban’s madness, vis-à-vis the five “scream queens”, as they are dubbed in the synopsis on the Netflix envelope. We get a prostitute, a sorority girl, a reporter, a cop, and a scientist. Further, two are blondes, one brunette, one in between, and one redhead. They also vary from slim to chunky. Three take their tits out, one only prances in lingerie, and one remains rather chaste. That is a pretty damned comprehensive cross section of ladies. It is hard to come to any other conclusion but that it was a purposeful desire to make sure every possible combination of male fantasies was on view. A little something for every perv, if you will. |
Now these bunnies I can get BEHIND.
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The last thing I want to mention in Kottentail’s favor was the decision to structure it like a comic book. The scenes cut to one another by becoming cartoonized, if you will, and having the camera pull back to reveal it as a comic panel, pan left or right onto another panel, then zoom in and have it become live action. This also helps to put the audience in the movie, to help them get over the absurdity of the plot and dialogue and action. It’s a comic: it’s okay to let it be silly, and to be silly with it.
On the other side of things, obviously, since this is a very, very low budget film, a lot of things about it suck. The sound design, for instance, is atrocious. Frequently the dialogue is inaudible because of the wind whipping across the camcorder’s microphone. Or else the “background” music is fucking deafening. And if anything in this review has led you to believe that you were going to be experiencing any fine acting skills, allow me to disabuse you of that notion right now. The players are actually on or above par for a project of this scope, but it is still occasionally painful.
But ultimately, I think the absolute maniacal glee with which this film embraces its flaws wins out over the flaws themselves. It also endeared itself to me with its horror references. The Overlook, obviously, and the serial number of the rabbit being F13. Also, the two male cops who laugh at Marissa are named Detectives Fulci and Bava. Gotta love that.
All in all, I honestly think everyone within the sound of my voice should watch this film. Unlike when I was coming up, combing through video store after video store for delightful dreck such as this, you can obtain it with just an internet connection and a few keystrokes. Giant rabbit monster, spilling intestines, and boobs. Go ahead, treat yourself.
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